This post was deeply inspired by a beautiful strong woman who wrote to me and completely opened up emotionally about where she was at in her life and how what I share has helped her start to get serious about real change.
So I want to say to you, it’s time for all of us to get real……..are you ready?
How many of us deny our feelings and emotions and block them and put on a facade to ourselves and the world that we are happy when deep down we feel like we are drowning and lost and questioning our existence.
This is the exact reason I feel so strongly called to share what I know with other women, because I understand what it’s like to feel lost, like I was drowning and to not feel understood. And even though I have always been surrounded by amazing friends I felt different and like I didn’t really fit in anywhere, but my life has always been unusual and I think quite differently from most people and this is part of the reason why my life isn’t the typical social expectation, I was never going to be the type to just settle down to marry, have kids, a dog and white picket fence which is ok, but I do know that what I am experiencing and heading towards is so much more unique, exciting and fulfilling for my soul.
But it’s taken me awhile to accept this………….
After 5 years of manipulation and emotional abuse with a man who had multiple addictions including drugs I finally found the strength within me to leave (after about 50 previous attempts, but always being manipulated to go back). I guess this was when I finally accepted that my life was going to be different from a lot of those around me and I decided to stop comparing where I was in my life to where others were in their lives and focus on creating the life of MY dreams, not societies dreams.
I was full of fear before I left, I had no one where to go, nowhere to live, no job, I had to move back from the country, sometimes it looked easier to stay where I was but my soul was screaming at me to leave and the screams became so loud I had no choice but to jump into the unknown.
It was then I started to question everything, I knew there was more for me, but I didn’t know what or how or when. I kept thinking that changing my life would happen in an instant, I used to wish that I would wake up one day and everything would be different, but I now know that it doesn’t work like that. Real change takes time, courage, strength, dedication, faith and sometimes the state of your life can be such a mess that looking at it all at once can be so overwhelming.
Everyone has their own stuff that we fob off and say oh well it’s too hard to deal with so I’ll just keep on keeping on and hope that things get better and work themselves out (like I did for 5 years in bad relationship). I can only imagine adding kids to this would amplify everything.
But I just want all of you women who are out there experiencing any kind of emotional turmoil, self doubt, unhappiness or uncertainty in your life (for any reason not just a bad relationship) that you are not alone and everyone has their unique story and issues, but collectively they usually all boil down to the same core beliefs but they have been triggered at different times and by different situations in our lives, the usual ones are I am not worthy, I am not good enough, I am not lovable, when we sit and do the work (soul work) I can guarantee the majority of what is holding you back from who you want to be will all come back to these main core beliefs.
I do what I do because I have been where a lot of women still find themselves. I do not pretend to be perfect or say that have mastered the art of self love, it’s called a journey for a reason, but my whole life is so different and I am so different to the person I was 3 years ago. I am beginning to love who I am and accept myself and where I am in my life. I just want to share everything that helped me change and allowed me to start doing what I love and start to accept who I am, I just think this stuff is powerful and it is needed. We all need to know our own worth as women, I hope that by sharing my story and the things that have helped me change that it will inspire other women to take action to get real with themselves, to share their stories and start on the road to who they want to be.
I have learnt so much about getting to bottom of this stuff and dissolving it little by little so we may release the old shit and stories and excuses we tell ourselves, like I’m not good enough to go after my dreams, or who am I to think I could do that, it’s too late now I’m old. It’s all total fucking bullshit, this is our stupid inner critic, the one we need to quieten and override. We are all here to be so fucking great, not just a few selected people, ALL of us. We are here to experience pure love, joy, happiness, laughter, wonder, abundance, fulfillment, excitement all of it.
I ask you all to not look at all your problems and everything you want to change at once, it’s too overwhelming I know, you have to break this stuff down but the thing that will funnily enough solve all your problems is repairing your connection to yourself on a very deep level. So start being kind and gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can with everything you have been taught in your life.